Look Up

You know how it is in those moments right before you make the right decision. It is usually a hard decision, a life changing decision. I spent so many nights tossing and turning, so many hours over thinking, and then finally decide it's time to give it up. I know all I need is faith of a mustard seed to see God move mountains. I feel like you must need a magnifying glass to even see my mustard seed today. I am so grateful that my faith is not measured in God's eyes. Today we sent in our application for our home study.  All the unknowns in this process(especially the finances) lead me to many sleepless night! Since when did worrying ever add a day to anyone's life?  I am choosing to look up and let go of all my fears. I am so excited to see how God will work to bring home the little girl He has chosen for our family, in His perfect timing.
This past week while I was on a short run I kept asking for clarity from Him. As I watched my feet hit the ground I realized I am staring right in front of me, at the cement that is just the right shade of gray to blind me from the beauty that lies around me. As I 'looked up' at the bigger picture everything was so much clearer. It makes me realize that each day I need to look up to see the clarity of God's amazing plan for His children, it's not about me, it's so much bigger than me. In that truth I know I can sleep well.

Hope Child

So there is this little girl, I think about her every day. I pray that she will find a forever family and that she can heal, grow, and develop into what God intended for her to become. I call her our hope child because she brings me hope in knowing that there is another child out there that would fit our family like she would. She has digestive issues it says in her file. A little over a year ago I found out that I have digestive issues, I have allergies to gluten, dairy, and corn. The impact these unknown allergies had on my body were pretty extreme and causing many symptoms. I found two amazing holistic doctors that have been helping me heal as well as eating a diet that is nourishing to my cells!! It's amazing how God gave us the food to heal our bodies, I am a living testimony to this!
I just picture this sweet little girl eating only rice each day and drinking only milk. Oh my! It just goes through my head each time we eat our healthy organic meals. I want to help her, I want her here, at my doctors, eating with us. Healing her tiny body. I thank God that He brought her into my life to motivate me to work really hard to someday bring home our child. We all need hope, I pray that each day the hope I feel motivates me to keep moving and not be afraid. I pray the tiny picture of her will never leave my mind.

God Room

As I sat reading a reply from an email I had sent the words 'God Room' just shot off the page. What does it mean for me to give God room? I thought about it for a long time and realized that I give Him a tiny closet, not a whole room when it comes to getting things done in my life. We have always worked hard for everything we own, we have always done all we need to do for ourselves. Of course I pray and believe God's will prevails but do I always give him room to work. The answer is I really don't, I like to do things myself.
So with a humble heart I write this post about the room I am giving God in this new journey of our lives. The desire to adopt was planted in our hearts many years ago, before we were humbly blessed with our boys. Honestly, I kind of thought once we had children this desire would change, I would feel our family was complete. So the tugging of my heart keeps on, year after year, but I just keep asking God to remove it. You see our first pregancy was a little girl and as much as I wish she could have been here with us I am excited for the day we are reunited in heaven. I really thought I had worked through this and wondered why I kept having this strong desire for a daughter. Then one day it became clear to me, there is a daughter on earth for us, she is maybe waiting right now or not even born yet. So right now when I say we are giving God room he pretty much has the Great Room in this area of our lives. We are not financially prepared for any part of this journey, but with much faith we will move forward, raise money, work extra hours, do whatever it takes  to bring home a daughter, a sister, a sweet little girl who belongs at home.

Move

Instead of making a New Year's Resolution I chose a word. Just one word that I think of each day! My word for the year is MOVE . The only expectation this word comes with is that each day I do something to move toward all the things I feel lead to do, all the things I feel God tugging at my heart about. I tend to let fear paralize me and I can't get anything done when my mind and thoughts are full of fear. I only exist in that terrible state of fear. I love that I can make a choice each day, no matter what the circumstance is, to MOVE and to choose faith instead of fear. I certainly have not won the battle with this, but each day I feel that the more I lean on Him the less fear I feel and the more I can MOVE!! So here is my first post, me finally moving and writing one;)